When it Sucks – Suck it Up!

Posted by Jeffrey Thomason on October 8, 2013 in Professional Presence | Leave a comment

It is pretty unlikely that a worker in our traditional American workplace will spend their entire working life without at some point feeling the sting of a defeat.  It could be the failure of a project, or getting passed by for an opportunity, or simply unexpected feedback that conflicts with their own self-narrative.  I clearly remember the first (but not the last) time in my workplace life that I made a declarative statement that started with “I always….” and was almost immediately told by a very insightful, more experienced person about six ways in which my statement was nonsense.  In retrospect, I am grateful for the moment because it was something I have been able to keep, and use, for many years as a cautionary tale.  From that moment, I learned about how my self-chosen circle of feedback-givers was skewing my self-perceptions, how to receive bad news, and the power of re-invention as a human possibility.

Looking at the variety of blog posts which counsel the defeated to embrace the suck and fight for another day, a few common themes emerge.  First is the suggestion that before you make a potentially career-altering decision, now is the time for the pause to reflect.  Whether you take a walk, find a trusted confidante and talk it out, or simply meditate in a quiet corner, all of these beat an angry response followed by hallway stomping and inappropriate public venting to the first unfortunate who crosses your path.  You should probably put a quick moratorium on an epic email rant, or social media blast.  Just saying – hard to take it back when you spray painted it in Day-Glow on the lunchroom wall.

Another common theme is focusing on the positive. Remaining positive in the face of a negative is not only a sign of a good leader but is also the hallmark of an emotionally intelligent organization. “Adapt, improvise, and overcome” is not a catchphrase.  Learn it and live it. WIthin defeats are opportunities to learn.  Taking nothing of future value from a setback is a waste of pain you’ve already paid for.  Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this disappointment?”.  Growth is not free, nor easy. Once you’ve acquired the hard-earned knowledge from your situation, guess what?  Now, you are in a position to teach others.  Double win.

Lastly (and only because there are so many points to ponder here, I had to pick my favorites), focus on the future. Failure is not final. Repeating the past is often a self-inflicted wound because of your inability to maintain forward progress. Assessing your past performance objectively is a critical-thinking behavior. Obsessing over what might have been, refusing to talk about anything but the injustice you feel was prepetrated upon you, and spending every day wishing for a different outcome is like arguing with math. Math wins.

Wrapup?  Only this – the ability to take a setback or disappointment in stride as opposed to becoming organizationally ineffective, to continue to take chances and maintain forward progress or be the person who is stuck dwelling in the swamp of regret, and the ability to view every negative event in terms of new opportunity, rather than a dreamkilling showstopper is the difference between a leader, and someone not quite there yet.